Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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