just come out here and I will go home with you...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
