Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
