Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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