You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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