i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
