Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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