i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
