Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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