is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
