I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
