The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
