so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
