I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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