Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
and you fell through a lawn chair
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
