You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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