OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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