All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
