Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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