its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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