Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
