So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
