All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
