I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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