paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
