allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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