If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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