Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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