I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
