Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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