your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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