The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
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Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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