"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
