How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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