DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you win again, gameday.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
