I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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