You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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