Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
