What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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