My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Enjoy the penises
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
