i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
