im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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