I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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