He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i think my cat just said my name.
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Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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