Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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