I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
