life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As shirtless as possible
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
