I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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