I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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