some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
