this just has baby written all over it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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