I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
