Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
