We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
