the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
