What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
