Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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