I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
