playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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