Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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