I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
