Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
