We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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