You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
