fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
