I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
