Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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