I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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