she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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