Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
