My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
